You can’t trust sewage or drainage pipes….They’re full of crap.
You would think that following the major flooding of our Thurles streets, last Sundays night; which saw 73.2mm to 125mm [3 to 5 ins] of sewage, permeated with surface water, flooding business premises and other dwellings, that those who raised our property taxes by 10% each year for the next two years, would have cleaned out our blocked drains.
No, five days later, total failure, I regret to report; as pictured by our drone this morning within the 50 kilometre [30mph] speed limit area, between O’Carroll’s (Top Oil) Service Station and Thurles Lidl Supermarket, on the N62, Slievenamon Road in the town.
N62 Slievenamon Road, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, October 21st 2022. [Pic. G. Willoughby]
The N62 road is a national secondary road linking the M6 motorway east of Athlone, Co. Westmeath with the M7 motorway south of Roscrea and junction 6 of the M8 motorway close to the Horse and Jockey in Co. Tipperary.
The N62 is well travelled daily by local councillors; Municipal District senior officials and staff. Because of heavy traffic, our “eye in the sky” was only able to hover over, and photograph just two of some 5 identified blocked drains, all within a 500 meter stretch of this secondary road.
Clue to locating blocked drains. Since, hopefully, you are driving within the 50 kilometre [30mph] speed limit laid down in this area, recently prone to flooding, it is easy to locate the blocked drains.
N62 Slievenamon Road, Thurles, Co. Tipperary, October 21st 2022. [Pic. G. Willoughby]
First check for tall Grass; various sprouting Brassicas; (latter genera of plants relatives of the cabbage and mustard family), Dandelines, frost tolerant Common Groundsel and germinating Wheat seed. Same growth can be located growing, like tiny islands, on tarmacadamed road surfaces, usually located close to kerbs; growing from what appear to be at first potholes.
Here also is yet another clue; Thurles potholes (which we are aware number 3,978, following a more recent count by the Central Statistics Office) are for some unknown reason, usually round, disk shaped, or hoop-shaped on our Tipperary roads. Blocked drains on the other hand, for some strange reason and for the most part are quadrate or rectangular in shape.
Same are used everywhere else in Ireland, except Thurles town, to drain away excess rain and ground water from impervious surfaces, such as paved or tarmacked streets, car parks, parking lots, footpaths, side-walks, and roofs of buildings. But then Thurles is big into promoting biodiversity, as can be seen by the state of our polluted river Suir, our pavements and our local graveyards.
Section of current Thurles pavement. [Pic. G. Willoughby]
Once identified, one wonders should Thurles Municipal District Council contact Irish Water; or the Office of Public Works; or maybe Iascach Intíre Éireann (Inland Fisheries Ireland)? Maybe there is some other government department that Thurles Local Councillors can blame befort shifting responsibility.
True for Sean O’Casey’s character ‘Captain Boyle’ in ‘Juno and the Paycock’, quote “Th’ whole county of Tipperary is in a terrible state o’ chassis”, said Mikey Ryan. Mikey had just finished reading a copy of one of the local rag newspapers, which he had pulled from behind the counter, when I caught up with him, after his 4th pint of the evening, in The Arch Bar, Liberty Square.
“I believe his phrase wasTh’ whole world’s in a terrible state o’ chassis”, said I, sounding intelligent.
“Same difference”, said Mikey.
“Ah to be fair, Tipperary was the only county in Ireland to show a decrease in the numbers on the Live Register in the last 12 months”, said I, “with an overall drop of some 1%”.
“What that figure really represent is 1% of our residents, anxious to seek work, eventually took the hint and moved overseas”, said Mikey, “Why do you think they’ve sprayed the graffiti image of a Swallow on our town’s cark park wall?They are hoping that the same 1% will come back like the swallows next summer on holidays, and prop up Fáilte Ireland’s imaginary tourist figures. One wonders why we continue to pay Mick Lowry and Jackie Cahill salaries of 2 million Euro’s, including expenses, every 5 year period, despite their consistent inadequacy in producing even one single job in Thurles, during their lengthy period in office”, Mikey continued.
“No argument there Mikey”, said I, “but then that doesn’t stop them from regularly demonstrating their delusions of adequacy. Anyway, tell us this and tell us no more, did you ever think of emigrating yourself Mikey” I continued.
“Several times” said Mikey, “I wanted to move to Australia once, but the immigration officer started asking awkward questions. Have you any criminal convictions? says he. Sure I, as an Irishman wasn’t to know that crime was still an Australian requirement for immigrants, after Michael Collins had helped the British to escape out of this country”.
“I never told you this before”, continued Mikey, “but I tried to get a visa for America, earlier this year. The immigration official asked where was I hoping to go, and when I said San Jose, Northern Californiabefore the immigration officer corrected me saying that San Jose was pronounced ‘San Hose’; It seems their ‘J’ is pronounced as a ‘H’. “So how long do you intend staying in San Hose?” says he. “In my efforts” said I “to impress, I said six months; from Hanuary to Hune. “Then”, said Mikey, “sure in filling out the immigration form I was asked “Sex“. I tried to answer truthfully, as I had already ticked the ‘married‘ box, so I wrote ‘just occasionally’. Then while I was there in the immigration office, disaster, didn’t I interrupt the interviewing officer, who was answering his mobile phone, informing him that “They should be shipped back where they came from, as they have a tendency to cause explosions”. The illegitimate son of a b..ch accused me of being racist and was about to call security, before I eventually persuaded him, that I was referring to the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 phone, he was using. Still he wrote me a lovely letter a few days later, stating that my visa was denied on the grounds of fears that the level of the current IQ, present in ‘San Hose’would double”.
“Tell me this Mikey”, said I, “is Thurles the only town in the world not suffering from a severe energy crisis?”
“Indeed it appears so” said Mikey, “sure aren’t 57 street lights burning currently in Thurles town, during day light hours, and for the last 4 months. Yet, a senior Tipperary council official has beenurging community and business groups elsewhere in the county, to reduce the hours that Christmas lights are left turned on during the forthcoming festive season, (Note: only another 11 Saturdays left until Xmas Eve), as energy costs continue to soar. Thank God the Director of Services Mr Brian Beck doesn’t get up as far as Thurles or he would really “blow a fuse”, Mikey ranted on.
“When you’re ready Pat, you can give Mikey another pint,” said I, “we’ll be walking home every night from now on, since they’ve tripled the width of Thurles town pavements”.
The four year old boy announced at the dinner table, “Dad, I’ve decided to get married”.
A surprised father replied, “Wonderful son and do you have a particular girl in mind?”
“Yes” replied his young son, “Grandma”. He further continued in his efforts to justify the reason for his intentions; “She said she loves me, I love her, too, and she’s the best cook and story teller in the whole world”.
His father replied, “That’s very nice son, but we do have a small problem here”.
“What’s the problem?”, queried the young boy.
His father replied, “Well son, not trying to disappoint you, but she happens to be my mother. How can you possibly marry my mother”.
The young boy quickly retorted “Why not? Didn’t you marry mine”.
Thurles housewife, Mrs Axelle Ryan, alarmed by the fact that Irish prices were now 40% higher than the average across the European Union; armed with a revolver enters a Thurles bank with the intension of relieving them of all cash deposits. Ordering all the banks customers to lie on the ground, she passes a large Walker & Hunt Duffle bag over the counter demanding that it be filled with cash.
Once the object of her intention was acceded too and her bag returned, now bulging at the seams with cash, she turns to a customer on the floor and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?”
The man honestly replied, “Yes Madam, I did.”
Mrs Ryan shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
She then turned to the couple lying next to the now deceased male, and addressing them both asks, “Did either of you see me rob this bank?”
The female lying on the floor replied, “No Madam, I didn’t, but my husband did!”.
“I see Thurles Municipal District Council has purchased a new sign, currently pointing in the right direction”, said I to Mikey Ryan, as we headed down Cathedral Street, for ‘The Arch Bar‘ yesterday, to drown a slight thirst.
“Surely everyone in Thurles and its environs knows where the feckin Swimming Pool is in Thurles, by now”, said a shocked Mikey.
“I would think it’s something to do with the sudden influx of foreigners coming into Thurles, from the Ukraine and other places”, said I, and then of course people might be attracted to come down from Dublin, on the train, to make use of the facility.
“Some local monkey will end up swinging out of that after sniffing a bit too much white powder some night” said Mikey “Anyway people would be better off paying no attention to those feckin council signs”.
“Why do you say that”, said I, somewhat confused.
“I’ll tell you why”, said Mikey, “a Thurles Garda friend of mine was sitting in his squad car, watching for speeding vehicles, near Two-Mile-Borris last week. He sees a car ‘puttering’ along at 3km and decides that this car is almost as dangerous as a speedering young lad, before pulling it over”.
As he walks up to the car a little old lady rolls down the window and asks “Is there something wrong officer?”
“Well, yes,” says my cop friend, “Why are you driving so slowly?”
“I’m following the speed limit,” says the little old lady, very confused “the sign back there says Turnpike 3km.”
“You’re mistaken ma’am”, said my cop friend “that sign was to tell you that the distance to the Turnpike is 3km, the speed limit here is 60km.”
“Oh deary me ,” says the woman very embarrassed, “I am so sorry officer, I promise I will pay closer attention to the signs in future.”
“At this point”, said Mikey, “the Garda notices the other passengers in the car; three other elderly women, all very pale faced and wide-eyed, clutching their armrests with white-knuckled hands”.
“Ma’am,” asks my now concerned cop friend “are your passengers alright? They look somewhat shaken.”
“Oh, they’ll be fine, dear,” says the elderly woman “we just turned off the M7 and M8, Dublin to Cork route, which said 259km.
Recent Comments