Humour « Thurles Information

RTÉ Investigates Tipperary Co. Council.

First, there are the problems with Dublin city councillors. It seems that current and former Dublin city councillors, together owe more than €146,000 to Dublin City Council in overpaid travel expenses. Same was discovered in an investigation by the Local Government Auditor, (Nosy interfering Busybodies).

**Inner Relief Road, Archaeological Survey, Click HERE**

This 2021 audit identified that councillors, for this Dublin local authority, had been overpaid their annual travel rate, by €48.42 every month, but only as far back as January 2018, amounting to €581.10 a year and a total of €2,324.40 for politicians who had served on Dublin City Council since 2018.

Sure, for God’s sake it was only taxpayers money, and sure taxpayers couldn’t give a f..k. I mean if taxpayers had been fooled into voting “them’s individuals” into office in the first place, they must have expected they would be taken advantage of; lest you forget the F.F. brown envelope planning era.

It has been a tough few days for Tipperary Co. Council this week also. On Wednesday last “RTÉ Investigates” journalist Con Corrigan, “deliberately picked on”, our beloved Tipp authority, daring to accuse them of ‘Project Costs Over-runs‘, [ See HERE ].

Well as all our readers are aware Thurles.Info, were the first to highlight the waste by Tipperary Co. Council engineers.

It appears that a project known as the Suir Blueway, stretching from Clonmel to Carrick On Suir (Not to be confused with the Thurles River Suir Brownway); the former, incorporating a walking and cycling trail along the River Suir in south Tipperary, was initially budgeted for €1.3, then (like the National Children’s Hospital), it became €2m, but ultimately costs eventually closed at €3.7m.

The final costs increased a mere 84% only, on the original budgeted amount; that’s according to documents released to RTÉ Investigates, under freedom of information.

Anyway, the RTÉ Investigates episode didn’t upset Tipperary Co. Council’s Chief Executive Mr Joe MacGrath, who went missing from work on Friday last.

(I should explain that we at Thurles.Info have a habit of sending emails to those we write about – well they might want to accuse us of telling ‘porkies’).

Well Holy God, shock of shocks, the night before last, after 3 years and numerous emails sent, didn’t we actually get a reply, for the very first time, (despite no intervention by the Standards In Public Office Commission), from Mr Joe MacGrath. Well I nearly died.

He stated, quote “Please re-send your email to evelyn.harty@tipperarycoco.ie or contact her at Tel 0818 06 5000. I am away from my office with limited access to emails.”

Then it struck me, this was one of those “Automatic Replies”, latter being doled out normally from every government office in Dublin, but same rarely replied to after that. [Sure you know yourself, in the Public Service half are still working from home and the other half are not working at all, at all].

Anyway, my first thoughts were, why don’t they buy Joe one of those new-fangled Mobile Phone contrivances; called ear phones or eye phones, whatever.
My understanding is that they can now be put to vibrate silently in your trousers pocket, and when activated they can read, and let you see your emails off of a screen, on one side of the device.

Well to cut a long story short, on the same Friday, I had to go over to Cashel and Cahir; (NCT Business in Cahir, then off to buy a 3 scone and tea at Mikey Ryans in Cashel). On the way didn’t I get a call from an old school friend of mine, Charley. Hadn’t seen him in years and he was over visiting here, having brought the wife Camilla on a junket.

Listen, anyway as I’m chatting to Charlie, who did I spy out of the corner of my eye, but some one, the spitting image of Joe, edging in to have a selfie taken with Camilla. Still I can’t be totally sure it was him and since he doesn’t answer his emails, its a waste of time trying to find out.

Anyway, what I really want to talk about and show all our readers, is the pdf of the Thurles Inner Relief Road which ended up destroying the only remaining piece of visible great faminr history in Thurles.
Same document failed to highlight the Great Famine Double Ditch; Public Right of Way; Mass path and Great Famine connection in its regurgated survey info, undertaken by Mr F. Coyne, BA MIAI, despite having surveyed the sections of land on both sides of this 5ft in width, Great Famine, 176 year old Double Ditch.

So Mr MacGrath, if you are reading this email, the Archaeological Impact Statement for the inner relief can be found HERE, by you, Mr Ger Fogarty and indeed the rest of the interested world.

[Mr Ger Fogarty will note that the survey was undertaken in 2013, while Lions Club survey was undertaken in 2018.]

We have already sent this and other documents to “RTÉ Investigates”, then again they might not use the information, but not to worry, we will.

I think the time has come for raised Thurles voices and the digging up of discarded, hidden bodies.

Warning – Be Careful Around Talking Parrots.

Having seen the poster in the window of the local Thurles Pet Shop, which read, “Bargain – Beautiful Talking Parrot – Only €50.00 – With Cage.” Mrs Mikey Ryan walked into the premises and not a woman regarded as unwary, or who would be apt to buy “a pig in a poke”, demanded curtly of the pet store owner, “Why so cheap?”

The owner looked at her and around the shop for possible eavesdroppers, before whispering, “Look, Mrs Ryan I should warn you before you purchase, that this bird lived for 20 years in a house of ill repute down the Clonmel side, and sometimes he can repeat some pretty vulgar language.”

Mrs Ryan thought about this for a moment, but decided she had to purchase this truly beautiful bird, regardless. Then taking it home, she hung the bird in his cage, up in her living room, near the window and waited for him to talk.

The bird, once settled, looked around the room, then at her, before announcing, “New house, new madam.”

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “that’s really is not so bad”, but it was when her three daughters returned home from school, the Parrot saw them and announced to all and sundry, “New house, new madam, new girls.”

Again, the woman was slightly offended, but since no vulgar swear words were used, she began to laugh at the situation; taking into consideration how and where the parrot had been living previously.

Two hours later, Mikey Ryan, her husband, made an appearance, having spent as usual most of his afternoon in the Arch Bar, in Liberty Square, Thurles.

The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Mikey, great to see you will be visiting here once a week as well.”

Thurles, Co. Tipperary At Low Tide.

The next local elections in the Irish Republic will not take place possibly before May or June 2024, so current Thurles Municipal District Councillors are not expected to come out of hibernation until then, except for photographs in relation to donations, collected by others within our generous community, to aid war displaced Ukrainian refugees.

**Kickham Street, Thurles, at low tide today**.

Certainly, no local double jobbing Councillors were photographed today on Kickham Street or on Slievenamon Road in the town.

15 Year old neglected **footpath**, **flooding issue, available for viewing on Slievenamon Road, Thurles.**

Thurles Councillors, all currently enjoying the fruits of their elected office have also failed to inform Ms Sharon Scully (Thurles Administrator) and Mr Thomas Duffy (Executive District Engineer) of the problems pictured above.

Looks like we may have to contact Thurles Lions Club, to locate the necessary funding for “Off Road Walking”.

Flying Car Confirmed Fit To Fly, Following European Certification.

Before rushing out to buy your electric car or vehicle fitted with self-driving car technology, first take note that a flying car has at last completed over 70 hours of meticulous testing to receive an official certificate of airworthiness.

The vehicle, which received the certificate from the Transport Authority of Slovakia, in central Europe, has completed more than 200 take-offs and landings, deeming it fit to fly.

Questions Being Asked Locally Here In Thurles.

Is this the reason Mr Jackie Cahill TD and Mr Michael Lowry TD, never bothered, over the last 25 year period, to ask the governments to support and implement the Thurles Ring-Road?
Will this address the issue of local elected councillors failing to fill potholes in our streets?
Will we have to pay Air Tax as well as Road Tax?
Will Ryan Air and Aer Lingus now become redundant?
Will fuel tanks be big enough to get us to Lanzarote for the weekend?
Are passports, Covid certificates and Passenger locator forms now obsolete?
How will public private partnerships collect [through Transport Infrastructure Ireland (TII], their motorway tolls?
What new carbon taxes will the Green Party introduce to halt diesel engine exhaust contaminants/emissions?
Will Gardaí now be given fighter planes instead of squad cars, to intercept drunken and drug addicted drivers?

It took some 8 specialists over 100,000 hours to metamorphose the final mathematical specs into a fully functioning prototype.

The AirCar’s recent accreditation means it is now one step closer to becoming mass produced across Europe.

In development since 2017 and boasting a 1.6L BMW engine, the certified model is now officially in line with the standards of the European Aviation Safety Agency (EASA).

Sure as my Granny, Eliza Jane, used to say; “You don’t need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute if you intend to skydive twice.”

Neither A Borrower Nor A Lender Be.

Thurles resident Mikey Ryan was woken up in the middle of the night by the sound of breaking of glass. Alarmed and unsure of where the sound originated, he peeped out from behind his bedroom blind, immediately noticing a burglar sneaking around his next door neighbour’s garden.

Suddenly, out from the shadows, sprang his neighbour’s oldest son, striking his victim a vicious blow on his head with the edge of a blue shovel; thus instantly leaving his victim completely lifeless.

As Mikey watched, his neighbour then, using the same blue shovel, began to dig a grave in the centre of his vegetable patch.

Mikey watched the interment for a while, then climbed back into bed.
His wife, now also disturbed from her slumber, asked “Darling, you’re shaking. What’s wrong?”

“You’ll never believe what I’ve just seen”, said Mikey. “That bastard next door still hasn’t had the decency to return my new blue shovel, that he borrowed from me at least 6 weeks ago.”