While walking down a rural road one day, a well known Tipperary Teachta Dála figure is tragically trampled under foot, during a domestic stag hunt and gets killed. His soul gently soars up to ‘Heaven’ and is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
‘Sir ,welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘ Now before you settle in, it seems there is a slight problem. We seldom see such a high profile official such as yourself around these parts and to be honest we’re not quite sure what to do with you.‘
‘No problem, just let me in and inform God I have arrived,’ says the Tipp TD.
‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from God already. He suggests that perhaps you should spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where you would like to live for all eternity.‘
‘I’ve already made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,‘ says the TD.
‘I’m sorry Sir, but we have our rules.‘ And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator marked ‘Hell’ and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
When the doors open our TD finds himself in the middle of a rich, green race course. In the distance is the Galway Tent and standing in front of it are all his old deceased friends. There are Bankers, Developers, Gamblers, Members of the Horsey Fraternity, County and Urban District Councillors and other politicians who previously had dealings with him.
Everyone is in splendid evening dress. They rush to greet him, shake his hand, and begin to reminisce about the good times, when brown envelopes were a daily ritual, and un-vouched expenses were the order of the day, courtesy of stupid gullible tax payers. Chauffeur driven Mercedes take them to play a leisurely game of golf and then they later dine on lobster, caviar and champagne at the clubhouse. Also present in their midst is Lucifer himself, who appears to be a very friendly, quick witted fellow and who mixes well with all assembled. They are having such a good time that before our TD realizes it, his 24 hours is up and it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves goodbye, while the elevator rises up, up, up and the door re-opens at the entrance to ‘Heaven’ where St. Peter sits behind reception waiting for him.
‘Now it’s time for your visit to ‘Heaven.’ said he.
So another 24 hours pass with our TD joining a group of very contented souls happily sailing about from cloud to cloud, playing their harps and singing. Our popular TD has a relaxed time here and before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in ‘Hell’ and another in ‘Heaven’, now please choose where you would like best to be, for all eternity.’
Our TD reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think Hell would suit me best.‘
St. Peter escorts our TD to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to ‘Hell’.
When the doors of the elevator open he now finds himself in the middle of a dark barren landscape covered with waste and garbage.
All his old friends are present, but now dressed in smelly rags, picking up this trash and putting it in black bags, as more trash falls endlessly on top of them from above.
Lucifer comes over to comfort our TD and puts his arm around his shoulder.
‘I don’t understand,’ stammers our TD. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a race course and a golf club, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What has happened?’
The devil looks at him, smiles and whispered, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning …… But today you voted.‘
George,
Is it not true that Noel Coonan, a politician who you have on this website alot, voted to keep the Ward Union Stag. Is this who you refer to here?
Pól
Pól,
“Where two or three votes are gathered together, there is a TD in the midst of them” The reason Mr Coonan is mostly on this site is because the others don’t know we exist yet or can’t write. Hopefully some day they will send us details of their thoughts or major achievements and we will give them a fair hearing.
George,
You simply didn´t answer my question.
´Is it not true that Noel Coonan, a politician who you have on this website alot, voted to keep the Ward Union Stag. Is this who you refer to here?´
(I typical trick of your average TD ´methinks´)
I ask the question because you launch into a one-eyed tirade against Michael Lowry in the previous article, with out once mentioning that the politician that you feature here on your fine site voted to retain the Ward Union Hunt in Meath.
Does this not question your editorial integrity and the value of your site methinks?
Pól ó Conchúir
Pól.
Nice to hear from you again.
I think it is obvious to all residents of this ‘lovely little country’ that Noel Coonan and Fine Gael to their shame voted against the Stag Bill. I am surprised someone of your intellect needs to have this fact further clarified.
My ‘one eyed tirade’ against the powerful Mr Lowry was based on the fact that a TD with “Valuable Secret Deals” done with Fianna Fail for the betterment of North Tipperary and its people (None of which we have actually seen as yet) should be lost because he choose to go vote catching with those involved in unnecessary blood sports, like hunting Domesticated Stags and Greyhound Bloodings using live cats and harmless hares.
Which category do you represent Mr OConchúir, Blood Sport Lover, Lowry Lover or are you a brave Domestic Stag Hunter.
I have noted in the past that ‘Editorial Integrity’ only ever comes into question when the reader finds hard hitting honesty which effects their personal passionate and often misguided beliefs or can affect their personal financial future gain.
Remember the words of Rev. Martin Niemoller, 1945: “First they came for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up, because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up, because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time there was no one left to speak up for me.”
Suggest you get a Facebook account or your own Website then you can practise the art of ‘one eyed tirading’ yourself. Go one its fun – its called free speech and not as yet prohibited by law in this country, – as yet.
Do hope you will continue to read and comment on my future one eyed tirades.