Tipp. Co. Co’s Super Mattress Bonus Give-Away Begins Tomorrow.

Tipperary County Council’s Mattress Bonus Give-Away

Local Councillors and a Senior Executive Officer from “Environment and Climate Action”, stationed within the local Tipperary Authority, rushed out last week to announce on Facebook; on Local Radio and on local Press that an opportunity had arisen to dispose of unwanted mattresses at Civic Amenity sites across Tipperary.

With politicians on holiday, news and political self-promotional announcements, within Tipperary as a whole, were down to a mere trickle at the end of August. It was no surprise therefore that Local Radio; Local Press, together with Local Councillors, all of whom do not get out much anymore, should go into a ‘feeding frenzy’, with news of this “Super Mattress Bonus Give-Away” announcement, taking place only during the month of September 2021.

Well actually folks, readers need to read the fine print, it is only happening on 3 days during September – note 3 dates, are Friday 10th; Friday 17th and Friday 24th.

This event is being lauded as part of Tipperary County Council’s new anti-dumping initiative, with the mattresses to be taken in free of charge at Civic Amenity sites, instead of at the normal costs of €20 for a double mattress and €18 for a single.

You will remember that previously, the council, had discussed equipping themselves with MQ-9 Reaper drones to identify and annihilate fly tippers. One hoped that sufficient training would be given to councillors, when R9-X variant missiles were being used, so as to avoid collateral damage to ordinary unemployed local civilians. [Well you saw what happened recently in landlocked Afghanistan.]

OK, let’s examine the logic of this great “Tipperary County Council “September Mattress Bonus Saver”.

Firstly Remember, Thurles is the only town in all of Co. Tipperary that does not have a Council Civic Amenity Site, despite the town currently having the second largest population in the county. (Estimated Population 10,000). The result is that Thurles residents must therefore use the facilities enjoyed by other more influential upmarket towns in Co. Tipperary.

Clonmel (Estimated Population 17,500) Civic Amenity Site: Mattresses accepted only on Friday, September 17th, 2021 only from 8:30am-12:30pm and 1:00pm-3:30pm at their Carrigeen facility, Business Park, Clonmel, Co. Tipperary.
The return trip to Thurles is 99 km taking approximately 90 min driving time.

Nenagh (Estimated Population 9,500) Civic Amenity Site: Mattresses accepted on Friday September 10th, 2021 only, from 8:30am-12:30pm and 1:00pm-3:30pm, at their Limerick Rd, facility, Stereame, Nenagh, Co. Tipperary.
The return trip to Thurles town is 80km taking approximately 80 min driving time.

Roscrea (Estimated Population 5,500) Civic Amenity Site: Mattresses accepted also on Friday September 10th, 2021 only from 8:30am-12:30pm and 1:00pm-3:30pm at their Roscrea Civic Amenity Site, on Dublin Road, Roscrea, Co. Tipperary.
The return trip to Thurles is 70km, taking approximately 80 min driving time.

Donohill Tipperary (Estimated Population 5,500) Civic Amenity Site: Mattresses accepted only on Friday September 24th, 2021, from 8:30am-12:30pm and 1:00pm-3:30pm at their Garryshane facility. Donohill, Co. Tipperary.
The return trip to Thurles is 70 km, taking approximately 75min driving time.

And finally, Cashel (Estimated Population 4,500) Civic Amenity Site: Mattresses accepted only on Friday September 24th, 2021, only from 8:30am-12:30pm and 1:00pm-3:30pm at their Wallers’ Lot facility Clonmel Road, Cashel, Co. Tipperary.
The return trip to Thurles is 50 km, taking approximately 45 min driving time.

Mattress Transport:
Since double or indeed single spring or memory foam mattresses will not fit in most motor vehicles; a van or trailer is actually required to transport your mattress.

Then the first three questions that you need to ask yourself is:- (1) “Do I own a car or is the husband or wife gone to Dublin to work, using it”? (2) “Have I got a hitch on my car”?, and finally (3) “Do I hold a licence to tow a trailer”?

With Irish Amazon’s ‘fulfilment centre’, set to create 500 jobs, no longer coming to the Munster Hotel area in Thurles, thanks to useless self-promoting and nest feathering politicians, can the man or woman in your life inform their Dublin employer that “I need to take Friday off, to get rid of a badly stained double or single (or both), mattress“?

[Of course if you work in the Public Service, you should be OK. Unlike every other employment in our State you will be allowed, without question, to “pull a 3 day sicky” a couple of times each year, without a request for a medical practitioner‘s cert.]

Since we are informed that a maximum of 4 mattresses are only allowed per customer, how will they know that 4 mattresses were not brought to more than one Civic Amenity facility?

Will the neighbouring counties of Waterford, Cork, Limerick, Offaly, Laois, Galway and Kilkenny, jump at the opportunity to suddenly traverse our badly defended borders, using false addresses and spreading the Covid-19 virus, in their effort to rid themselves of their smudged, splattered and urine blemished mattresses?

Assuming that you now use one of the many individuals currently licenced to operate a “material recovery business”, (latter businesses of which there are many in Thurles), a brief check today confirms that one double mattress and one single, cost €40 in transport costs.

Now, I can see why people wait until after dark to dump their trash out in the wilds of Templetuohy bog; in Littleton bog or here in Thurles on the “Double Ditch”, before then setting it alight to avoid detection through letters and other paper being accidentally included; thus causing “Wild Fires”.

However, what now leaves me suffering from cold sweats late at night, is the thought that the back office individual who dreamed up this great ‘Tipperary Council Super Bonus Giveaway’, could actually get elevated to a higher station, when their next annual increment is given the “nod and the wink”.