Mary had just finished watching a DVD of the love story of “Cleopatra,” staring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.
Thurles Fresh Milk
Her blond haired image stared back at her from her bathroom mirror and she noticed the now tired aging skin on her face and the dark rings and crow’s feet around her eyes. She made a sudden decision that, like the Egyptian Queen she had just viewed on her TV screen, what she too now needed was a bath filled with asses’ milk; to bathe in and perhaps this ancient & promising remedy had the missing formula, which would return some of her now declining beauty.
Cleopatra had used asses’ milk, a product used since Egyptian antiquity, for both alimentary and cosmetic reasons, but where would Mary get asses’ milk in Thurles at this time of the night?
Having given great thought to her immediate problem, Mary decided to leave a note out for her local Thurles Co-Op Creamery milkman. This note bore the strict instructions, to leave at her home, 25 gallons of milk on his visit the next morning.
Early next morning, when the milkman found her note, he felt there just might be a mistake in Mary’s order. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. Now anxious as always to please, he rang Mary’s doorbell in an effort to clarify the details of her unusually large purchase.
Blond haired Mary answered the door and the milkman explained his fear, “I am sorry to bother you Missus, but I found your note asking me to leave you 25 gallons of milk. I am just checking, by any stretch of the imagination, did you mean 2.5 gallons ?”
Blond Mary shock her head, then explained her intention, “No, I definitely want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill up my bath tub with Thurles milk and then bathe in it. I am hoping that with this creamy substance I can recover some of my once youthful looks and hopefully repair my now aging, dried skin.
“Fair enough Missus,” said the milkman, “Do you want it pasteurized?”
Mary looked puzzled, “No, just past my waist should do thanks, sure I can splash it unto my eyes.”
Leave a Reply