Metropolitan Area Networks Come To Tipperary

All eight Metropolitan Area Networks (MAN) in County Tipperary, including Roscrea Town, will be active in the coming months.  MAN is a fibre-optic broadband platform that provides high capacity web-based services to Tipperary.

MAN infrastructure has now been built in 93 locations nationwide and on a national bases there are approximately 50 different service providers using MANs to deliver their services to business and domestic households. At present three MANs are currently operating in Templemore, Nenagh and Clonmel. The remaining five consist of Roscrea, Tipperary Town, Cahir, Carrick-on-Suir, and Cashel.

I don’t know how we are fixed here in Thurles in relation to high capacity web-based services, but I wrote to our TD’s just in case and forwarded a questionnaire seeking an explanation of this new computer terminology.

Be God, I was surprised at their superior knowledge of all IT matters, in a year when we are exporting qualified IT professionals paid for by Irish taxpayers, overseas. For your edification, hereunder here are the explanations received from a political perspective:-

RAM – That hydraulic thing on the front of the tractor that helps load your car trailer with turf from EU protected bogs.
Random Access Memory – Convenient memory loss when a TD’s wife asks how much he claimed in his Dáil expenses last month.
Floppy Disk – Back ailment, which mainly affects County Councillors and acquired by carrying around too many brown envelopes containing planning bribes.
Disk Operating System – Equipment used by the Doctor to relieve pain caused by this floppy disk problem with councillors.
Port – Place where ships arrive bringing illegal drugs & illegal cigarettes to Dublin and then departs removing unemployed and unwanted qualified students whose education was paid for by Irish taxpayers.
Windows – What South Tipperary TD Tom Hayes possibly forgot to shut recently, thus failing to stop thieves stealing our office equipment.
A6 3400M Quad, Windows 7 – One of them big new fancy looking foreign imported cars.
Mega Hertz – It’s when ya ain’t careful and drop a large sod of EU protected bog turf on your toe.
Printer – A device owned by Sinn Fein’s Aengus O’Snodaigh TD, that eats toner cartridges.
Chip – What we munch on, after 9 pints of porter in the Dáil Éireann bar, after a late sitting.
Micro Chip – Fragments left in the bottom of a greasy chip bag when you have eaten the bigger chips.
Hard Drive – Gettin’ home with a load of EU protected turf, and having to drive on the Templetuohy road.
Log On – Makin’ the wood stove burn hotter.
Log Off – Don’t put any more of that wood in that stove.
Monitor – Keepin’ an eye that no spark hits the carpet from the turf fire.
Download – Gettin’ more turf for the fire out of the wheelbarrow.
Prompt – What you wish your constituency post was not every morning.
Screen – A tea towel or similar yoke you need, to keep the flies out of the milk jug.
Byte – What bugs do when Mick Wallace TD wears a short sleeved pink shirt in Dail Eireann.
Modem – What you did to your 3 fields, which were set aside for hay this year.
Dot Matrix -Wife of constituency supporter John Matrix.
Keyboard – Where you hang the keys of your ministerial car.
Software – Them’s fancy paper coffee cups you get in Supermac’s.
Mouse – Small rats what eats the grain in the barn.
Port – Place where ships arrive carrying drugs & illegal cigarettes into Dublin and depart removing unemployed fully qualified students, whose education was paid for by Irish taxpayers.
Enter – C’mon in and don’t forget to wipe your feet.
Program – News all about Dublin to be seen on an Irish TV set, every blooming night, if you can stop the sparrows from roosting on your TV aerial.
Main Frame – That part of a barn that holds up the roof, keeping Luke ‘Ming,’ Flanagan’s hemp suit and turf dry.

“Boys O Boys, armed with this information isn’t it nice to know that this country is as safe as it ever was.”