An elderly Irish farmer, named Johnny, had an accident with a truck and now some months later was suing the owner for damages. In court the truck owner’s hot-shot Solicitor was questioning Johnny.
Solicitor: ‘Now didn’t you say to the Police at the scene of the accident, ‘quote “I’m fine,”?
Johnny: “Well, I’ll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favourite cow, Lulu, into the…”
Solicitor: “I didn’t ask for any details, just answer the question. Did you not tell the police officer at the scene of the accident, quote “I’m fine!”?
Johnny: “Well, I had just got Lulu into the trailer and I was driving down the road…..”
The solicitor interrupted again and said: “Your Honour, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident this man told the police that he was fine. Now several months after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.”
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Johnny’s answer and said to the solicitor: “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favourite cow Lulu.”
Johnny thanked the Judge and proceeded: “Well as I was saying, Your Honour, I had just loaded Lulu, my favourite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the road when this huge truck came through a stop sign and hit me right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Lulu was thrown into the other. I was hurt very bad like and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Lulu moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident happened, a policeman in a squad car turned up. He could hear Lulu moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her and saw her serious condition, he took a gun out of his car and shot her between the eyes. Then the policeman came charging across the road, gun still in hand, looked me up and down, and said “How badly are you hurt?”
Now, Your Honour, all things being considered, what the hell would you have said?”
I love the Compensation one.
A Shaggy Dog Story
A little girl asks her mum, ‘Mum, can I take the dog for a walk around the block? ‘Her mum replies ‘No, because she is on heat.’ ‘What does that mean?’ asked the child.
‘Go and ask your father. I think he’s in the garage.’
The little girl goes out to the garage and says, ‘Dad, can I take Lulu for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was on the heat, and to come ask you.’
He took a rag, soaked it in petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside with it to disguise the scent, and said ‘Ok, you can go now, but keep Lulu on the leash and only go one time around the block.’
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, ‘Where’s Lulu?’
The little girl said, ‘She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home’