Just Local Horse Talk
Sure It’s Just Horse Talk:
The American tourist was driving in Thurles, County Tipperary, when the engine of his rented car suddenly came to a halt. Getting out of the stricken vehicle the tourist lifted the car hood, hoping to locate the trouble.
Suddenly, a voice behind him said, “The trouble is the carburetor.”
He turned around and could only see an old horse. The horse said again, “There’s probably dirt in the carburetor.”
The American nearly died with fright and hastily dashed into Skehans Pub, in Liberty Square, where he ordered a large whiskey. Having given this unusual animal encounter some thought, he decided to confide in the barman and told Murphy the bartender, what the horse had said to him.
Murphy replied, “For God’s sake, don’t pay any attention to him, everyone around here will tell you, sure he hasn’t a damn clue about motorcars.”
Street Talk:
Three elderly ladies met in Liberty Square on a recent very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other.
Mrs Brown said, “It’s windy, isn’t it.”
Mrs Ryan said, “No it isn’t, it’s Thursday.”
Mrs Kennedy said, “So am I, let’s go and have a drink in HQ nightclub!”
Sure nobody cares if you are miserable, so you might as well be happy and have a laugh!
Nice horse talk.
No one believes seniors . . . Everyone thinks they are senile.
An elderly couple was celebrating their sixtieth anniversary. The couple had married as childhood sweethearts
and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired. Holding hands, they walked back to their old school.
It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they’d shared, where Andy had carved. I love you, Sally .
On their way back home, a bag of money fell out of an armored car, practically landing at their feet. Sally quickly
picked it up and, not sure what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money –
Fifty thousand Euros!
Andy said, We’ve got to give it back.
Sally said, Finders keepers. She put the money back in the bag and hid it in their attic.
The next day, two police officers were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money,
and knocked on their door. Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?
Sally said, No.
Andy said, She’s lying. She hid it up in the attic.
Sally said, Don’t believe him, he’s getting senile .
The officers turned to Andy and began to question him. One said: Tell us the story from the beginning.
Andy said, Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday …
The first police officer turned to his partner and said, We’re outta here!
Michael, I met my wife in a revolving door and we’ve been going around together ever since.
Replacement Windows:
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that expensive double-pane energy efficient kind and today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn’t paid for them.
Hellloooo,…………just because I’m blonde doesn’t mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo …….? It’s been a year! I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up. He never called back.
I bet he felt like an idiot!
Michael: What is the modern definition of a ‘Pedestrian ‘?…..Someone who has found a place to park.
George: Do you know?.
Since more and more Seniors are texting & tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
ATD: At The Doctor’s
BFF: Best Friend Fainted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM: Covered By Medicare
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
DWI: Driving While Incontinent
FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
FYI: Found Your Insulin
GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
LMDO: Laughing, My Dentures Out
LOL: Living On Lipitor
LWO: Lawrence Welk’s On
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
ROTFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing… And Can’t Get Up
SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
TTYL: Talk To You Louder
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
WTP: Where’s The Prunes?
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil
Bold Aunty Shirley
A wife gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed, sweating and panting.
‘What’s up?’ she asks.
‘I think I’m having a heart attack,’ cries the husband..
The wife rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as she’s dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says, “Mummy Mummy Aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on”
The wife slams the phone down and storms back upstairs intothe bedroom right past her husband.
Rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
‘You rotten Bitch’, she screams.
‘My husband’s having a heart attack, and you’re running around naked, playing hide and seek with the kids!’
Catholic Dog.
Muldoon lived alone in the Tipperary countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, ‘Father, my dog is dead. Could ya’ be saying’ a mass for the poor creature?’
Father Patrick replied, ‘I’m afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there’s no tellin’ what they believe. Maybe they’ll do something for the creature.’
Muldoon said, ‘I’ll go right away Father. Do ya’ think €5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?’
Father Patrick exclaimed, ‘Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
At the start of this post you read about “Sure It’s Just Horse Talk”. Visit the address below and hear horses singing. Use mouse on each horse image to start and stop each horse.
http://svt.se/hogafflahage/hogafflaHage_site/Kor/hestekor.swf
I think it’s very sad.
[img]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f36/biggles007/bent4.jpg[/img]
Horse racing won’t be as popular as it used to be.
Cow racing will be be the in-thing next year.
[img]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f36/biggles007/Thecow.jpg[/img]
Do you know?.
1 person believes in something without proof they are labelled insane.
1 hundred people believe in something without proof they are labelled a cult.
1 thousand people believe in something without proof they are labelled a religion.
1 million people believe in something without proof and they declare it the truth.
Little Girl: Grandpa, can you make noise like a frog?
Grandfather: What do you mean, make Noise like a frog?
Little Girl: Mammy says we’re going to make a lot of money when you croak.
Is it a sheep or is it a pig. I think it’s a shig.
[img]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f36/biggles007/shigcomp.jpg[/img]
Modern times
[img]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f36/biggles007/1-28-1.jpg[/img]
Give a cow a lift
[img]http://i44.photobucket.com/albums/f36/biggles007/rhfwikzekz706a06t632-1.jpg[/img]
Exchange Rate
I had a bunch of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.
I stood in the short line with just one lady in front of me . . . an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars and she was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I get hunat eighty? Why it change?”
The teller just shrugged his shoulders and said, “Fluctuations.”
The Asian lady replied, “Fluc you white people, too!”