Language Shortfalls In Multicultural Tipperary

Today I overheard John and Mikey discussing the world’s state of affairs over a pint or two in The Arch Bar, in Liberty Square, Thurles.

Sure you know the sort of thing being headlined and discussed by both men:- First time buyer mortgage calculators; Donald Trump’s hair; Whether or not Syria was actually an Independent Republic; The need for Bonuses for executives whether working or not in Irish Water, and Multicultural Tipperary.

“You know”, said John “The many foreign emigrants and refugees, who came to make their homes in Tipperary, all seem to have settled in very well; integrating fully into our local communities.”

“True for you John, but sure Tipperary people are easy to get along with”, said Mikey, “But life for emigrants and refugees isn’t all a bed of roses, what with the major language differences and all.”

Mikey continued, “PaJoe my friend, whom you might remember works as a garbage collector, was only explaining it to me last Saturday. It seems he was picking up recyclable litter from wheelie bin’s left out last Monday morning. On finding one bin unusually absent and obviously overlooked; well to his mind at least, PaJoe hops out of his truck, (purely in the spirit of kindness you understand), and goes to knock on the house owners front door, as one would.”

“He gets no immediate reply the first time, however being a conscientious bloke, as PaJoe would be; he again, with ear at the keyhole, knocks and waits. Immediately, after a lot of clearly audible swishing, whispering and scurrying noises, overheard from within by PaJoe, a middle aged Japanese gentleman answers his banging.”

“Harro Sir” says the Japanese gentleman.
“How is she cuttin”, says PaJoe, “Where’s yer’ bin?”
“I bin on toilet,” explained a rather hesitant Japanese gentleman, looking a bit perplexed, and one could claim, even shamefaced. Realising the gentleman had misunderstood him, Mick smiled and tried again raising his voice slightly, “No my good man, where’s yer’ dust bin?”
“I dust been on toilet, I toll you!” says the Japanese gentleman, now looking around him even more embarrassed.
“Listen carefully,” said PaJoe with his usual sheepish grin. “You seem to be misunderstanding me pal.  PaJoe emphasised his question more slowly, “I meant, Where – is – yer – wheelie – bin?”
“OK, OK. “ replies the Japanese gentleman in low whispered tones, “I wheelie bin in bed wiffa wife’s sista.”

“Be God now Mikey you have hit the nail on the head”, said John, “Sure I was in the Ulster bank yesterday to collect me pension. There was just one attractive Asian lady in front of me, and I could overhear she was trying to exchange YEN for EURO’s.  All of a sudden, she becomes very irritated with the bank teller.  To use her own words exactly she asked him, “Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat EURO fo YEN. Today I get hunat eighty! Why please it change?”
John continued “The Bank teller tried his best to explain stating, “Fluctuations.”  Be God the Asian lady, smart enough, stared at him angrily for a second or two before replying, “Fluc you bankers, too”.