Fine Gael Minister Phil Hogan Ain’t No Plumber

“You are going to be down to a trickle,” promises Fine Gael’s Phil Hogan.

One question being asked in Thurles this evening; “Is Phil Hogan the second Fine Gael Minister to breach Irish Data Protection this week?”  This question has come about following his indiscreet announcement yesterday, which exposed in advance, intimate details regarding the cost of water charges, to this countries rain-soaked and miserable water sodden taxpayers.

Same final details were agreed only officially at lunchtime today, despite same being ‘leaked’ (no pun intended) in advance by Phil who was adamant that his colleagues in Labour had a major part to play in its introduction. It had been three weeks since a Cabinet meeting had supposedly ended in disarray, with no deal what-so-ever on the shape of the water charges to be implemented, being agreed. But then maybe our Phil was just ‘testing the water,’ (again no pun intended).

Water Charge Tax for adult family of 7 people to exceed €700 annually or about €13.50 per week regardless of who is in paid employment.

Anyway, as Phil told us yesterday, it is now agreed by Fine Gael and Labour today that the threatened ‘Standing Water Charges’ are being abolished, the average bill will remain at around €240 a year and every household is getting a free allowance linked to the number of children under 18 living in each household. This latter allowance will help to make up for the cuts made by Labour in recent budgets affecting Children’s Allowances. (With 7 adults residing in my house at weekends – mainly home to get their laundry washed – all paying water charges in their own right – should I now charge them a two-day admission charge at the door, prior to entry?)

This thoughtful government outfit has also been more than generous with regard to the disabled, the pensioners, those suffering certain medical card conditions and carers who will all get an extra free allowance on top of this charge, roughly valued at €100 a year, to be assembled from the social welfare budget which they also cut in recent budgets – this gift further proof (as if it was needed) that this country is now in full-scale recovery mode.

This Fine Gael and Labour government will also give a free gift of 30,000 litres of water per household per year, in the knowledge that the average household in Ireland use 140,000 litres of water a year, based on 2.7 people living in a house.

As my headline above suggests, our Phil is no plumber. He suggests, in his usual affable way, that those who refuse to pay water charges will see their water pressure turned down to a trickle, so I’m off to my builders providers tomorrow to get a couple of extra storage tanks for the roof. Sure at night the water pressure is bound to increase due to lack of usage, filling my extra tanks without Phil’s knowledge and allowing me to waste as much water as possible the following day.

One wonders now, with only a trickle of water coming through our household water system, will we need extra Home Insurance for our electric showers or will this Fine Gael and Labour government compensate us when our electric shower element burn out?

Then again here is a perfect opportunity to create local employment. Fill up all those nice neat round holes, designed for water metres, with a shovel of ready-mix concrete; sure someone will have to dig them out again with a Kango hammer. OK, don’t all yell, it was just a thought solely in the interests of reducing unemployment and getting this country back on its feet again.

Good Lord, as a law-abiding citizen myself, far be it from me to go encouraging anyone to break Irish law, particularly causing hurt to one of the largest money wasting quangos (Irish Water) ever set up in this country, I hope you understand.

I wonder who will get my vote in the Local & European election on May 23rd next.