Low Fat Low Cholesterol Food

A Tipperary couple, Mary and Paddy, were celebrating their 85th birthday. Both born on the same date, they had been happily married for almost sixty years. Though they were far from wealthy, they had managed to survive together, rearing and educating a family of five, by carefully watching every single penny of their income.

* Explanation for those not yet of voting age: I am speaking about an era before the Gilmore & Kenny joint dictatorship’s rise to power. Former was an era when elected TD’s in Tipperary felt they owed some small allegiance to those who had elected them and wouldn’t dream of employing members of their own family, above those more qualified and with better known work skills and ability.

Though old, Mary and Paddy were both in very good health, largely due to Mary’s insistence on a healthy diet and plenty of exercise.

One’s 85th birthday is somewhat of a milestone so they decided to celebrate the occasion with a visit to their married daughter Britney, latter living in New York. (Britney & husband had been forced to emigrate from Ireland recently, mainly due to the failure by Fine Gael & Labour to implement any worthwhile job’s policy. Britney had been further encouraged, to do a runner, after hearing in her local boutique, that Minister Phil Hogan was about to introduce a property & water tax charge.)

Anyway, sad to report, while Mary and Paddy were heading out on this now once in a lifetime vacation, their aeroplane developed engine problems and crashed into the Atlantic ocean, killing all passengers on board and sending them straight to Heaven.

Mary and Paddy reached the pearly gates around 9.30am that morning and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen, 56 inch flat telly and featuring a waterfall in the master bathroom, latter a fixture to be found in most bathrooms in any ‘non ghost housing estate,’ here in Tipperary.

A housemaid could be seen hovering about hanging their favourite clothes in the walk-in wardrobes. They gasped in utter astonishment when St. Peter said, ‘Welcome to Heaven. This will now be your home for all eternity.’

Of course Paddy’s first question to Peter was understandable, “How much is this all going to cost.”
“Why, nothing,” Peter replied, “Remember, this is your promised reward for being such a good friend & neighbour in your community.‘

Paddy moved to the window and looked outside. Right in full view he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any venue ever built on earth. Fearing a catch Paddy asked “What are the greens fees?”
“This is heaven,” St. Peter replied. “You can play for free, every day, no charge whatsoever.”

Hearing this Paddy went out and down to the Clubhouse, where a lavish buffet lunch was being served.
“Don’t even ask me,” said St. Peter to Paddy, “This is Heaven, it is all free for you and your wife Mary to enjoy.”
Paddy looked around and nervously asked St Peter “Well, where are the ‘low fat,’ and ‘low cholesterol,’ foods and the decaffeinated coffee?”
“That’s the best part,” St. Peter replied. “You can eat and drink as much as you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven I tell you! “
“No gym to work out at then?” said Paddy.
“Not unless you want to,” was Peter’s answer.
“No testing my sugar levels or blood pressure or…”
“Never again,” Peter replied smiling.